marypoppkinz (marypoppkinz) wrote in bookish,

My first kids book

Hi there!
 I have written my first book for children but I'm afraid it's not really childish.......could you leave me some feedback?I really need someone else's opinion.
Here are some pages:

 Alice In No Wonder Land

  After dinner Alice made herself cozy in her favorite hammock outside and felt almost like she was on clouds. Soft swinging cradled her thoughts; the wind was playing around with beautiful fragrances of nature: it grabbed the odorous apple blossom by the hand, grasped the scent of the mowed grass, added the aroma of some flowers and watered ground, and whirled them all in some wild mixture. A car passed. The odorant swirl followed it, mixing with the stink from the exhaust, and flew away, repulsively coughing up some gasoline.

  With her eyes closed our lass was enjoying the soft whispering of trees. She almost fell asleep when she heard her mother asking her, “Want to take a walk to the river?”

It was a pity to leave all this comfort but Alice’s restlessness won. “Yeap! May I take my bike?”

  The lass loved her bike. She couldn’t wait till she grows up and travels around the world on exactly this kind of transport, as she believed it to be the only way to truly open the whole beauty of new lands. Though Alice didn’t go to school yet, she knew much about travelling, countries and various folks and their cultures. Her grandfather told her stories about his journeys from the very beginning of her life. And he had seen almost the whole world, climbing countless number of mountains and taking pictures of the most beautiful places. He had a big collection of photographs at home and he loved sharing interesting experiences with his granddaughter. A couple of times, grandpa took her rafting. That was exciting! And though the water was quite calm with only some rough places, Alice felt very extreme. At that time, he was in Caucasus, conquering the faraway Elbrus. The man seemed pretty weird to many people but his granddaughter adored him. No wonder she couldn’t sit in one place for too long, she took after her grandpa. She went ape when she heard the idea of spending hot summer on the snow- covered top of Europe. And when the winter would come, Alice was sure the restless oldie was going to find some summer-all-year-round places -  that meant she was going to have lots of presents and bedtime stories.

 So the girl and her mother went to a little river in the woods where there was no road and no civilization. They decided not to take the bicycle, just walk on their feet. When the two stepped into the forest, they felt as if they’ve reached some other world – the world of soothing sounds and refreshing air. The birds were singing so nicely; it made them want to dance. The flavor of trees and the ground’s moisture was wrapping their bodies, carrying away from routine. Mother and daughter made themselves cozy under a huge pine and listened to the babble of the river. So they sat till Alice decided to ask the question that was bothering her those last days.

  “What do you know about rabbits?”

  “About rabbits? What exactly do you want to know about them?” asked her mom, surprised.

  “I need to know about one – the white rabbit. He must be special because everyone tells me not to follow him. And why only me? Everyone’s allowed, but I’m not? And why on earth should I do it? I never intended to run after stupid rabbits!” The girl got angry.

  The woman started to laugh so clearly; her laugh seemed to run deep into the forest, as if looking for that funny rabbit. Alice watched her, frowning. After her mum had had enough of fun, she looked at her daughter and said seriously, “That rabbit is not real. He’s from the story written by Lewis Carroll.”

  “Did he write about rabbits?”

  “Not really. That is the story about a girl Alice who liked adventures. It begins when she follows the white rabbit and appears in a different world. It’s a very interesting book, so everyone has read it. And when they hear your name, they think about the Alice from Wonderland and ask you not to follow any rabbits. They are just joking.”


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